From These Halls: “Finally Proud of Myself”

I was broken, hopeless, exhausted and at my lowest of lows. I had lost my relationship with God, custody of my children and literally every ounce of self respect I had left. I had lost myself trying to maintain my life while using drugs.

I woke up every day and told myself I would never make it through the long hours to come without a high. I was convinced that I was incapable of living a whole entire day sober. I was miserable, depressed, broke, overwhelmed and had decided to commit suicide.

I felt there was no way out of the situation I had gotten myself into and had given up all hope of ever being able to achieve or maintain long term sobriety and I knew that I had burnt all of my bridges and was all alone, backed into a corner without a single soul to fall back on.

As I laid in bed that night planning how I was going to end my life, I started praying. I prayed for God to please take over my life. I spoke to God and begged for him to make a way for me to mend the relationships with my children and what family I had left. I knew that my children deserved so much more than a drug addicted mother whom they had witnessed be verbally and mentally tormented for the last 3 years. A mother who was choosing to end her life instead of fighting for it. What kind of example would I be setting? I decided to reach out to a friend who was currently in long term recovery and she recommended that I call Isaiah House. I slept on that idea and chose to take one more leap of faith before I just gave up.

Fast forward 4 months later…

My name is XXXXXXXXX and I’m a grateful recovering addict.

Since I came to Isaiah House I was baptised and I have a strong relationship with The Lord today. I have surrendered my life and will over to Him and miracles happen in my life every day. I completed residential treatment and decided to continue in the long term program. I completed IOP and I’m not in sober living. I am working as an intern for the very place that helped me get my life back and in turn I am able to support the clients and offer them my experience, strength and hope in hopes that they will continue their journey in sobriety and show them that it is possible to live a life free of any mind or mood altering substances. I have sat in the very chairs they are sitting in, not very long ago. My favorite part is that I am able to share with these ladies all that God has done for me and remind them that He can and will do the same for them. I have a relationship with my children today. My family is proud of me. I am finally proud of myself. I am learning how to live life a new way, doing the next right thing instead of avoiding the hard things. I have friends today, real friends who are sober and supportive and there for me when I need them. I am truly content today. I have peace in my heart and a smile on my face, and I owe it all to God and Isaiah House.

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